After a friend lashed out at me, someone tried to convince me that it is normal. That anger and pointed attacks on a loved one is an acceptable way to react to personal struggle. And that, like family, those who know us best can hurt us deepest.

While I recognize this may be common, I do not accept it as necessary. My time with friends is more commonly spent supporting and praising each other than picking at each other’s weaknesses in anger or in jest.

I seek out friends who match my power and complement my growth. Those who will listen patiently to each other’s stories of personal and professional successes and set backs. Then celebrate each other for being here and for being human. Friends who call me out for my mistakes with compassion. Not in a way meant to hurt or laugh at my expense.

I suppose for some this friendship is weak or boring. But I disagree. The world is harsh enough as it is. Why would I want to spend my precious moments with those who lead with anything other than tenderness and a resolve to always show kindness? In a world where attacks, ridicule, and competition are the norm, I choose strength in softness.