SURPRISE: 
I felt it in my stomach first,
Familiar and yet unwelcome. 
It escaped as a gasp
As I fought to hold it in.
Confused and surprised,
Where were the tears coming from?
Is it a full moon?
Then the wave crested.
Sobs from a depth I was unaware still existed,
Pain that had all but passed so I was tricked into believing I was healed.
The grief gripping my chest, my throat, my heart.
My lungs hurt,
I can't breathe.
She is gone,
All over again.
And my tears are the reminder that I have long since held her for the last time.