One of my limiting beliefs from the past was not to speak of my dreams because of the fear they would never come to pass anyway. To challenge this belief, I actively chose to speak about a solo international journey I took in 2015-2016. To openly announce it and plan it. Then to publish it on my blog. Sharing fed my soul and, turns out, it also inspired others.
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I took this lesson and used it in 2018 when my biggest secret was splashed across national television and I had the choice to speak or remain silent. Opening up about my abusive marriage and the healing work I have done since was cathartic and, turns out, even more inspiring to others. But it took a toll on me.
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I retreated emotionally into a depression for the rest of 2018 and the beginning of 2019. I made some destructive choices and self-sabotaged some attractive opportunities. But I’m grateful for the choice I made. Because it opened my heart to deeper healing around my past relationships and invited me forward into a stronger more compassionate version of myself.
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Yes, it has been a rough couple of years. I'm not sure yet what I’m learning from all of this. It's hard. I want to give up often. But I don’t. I cannot give up because I have already taken a step toward the edge of my comfort zone and I want to know what is on the other side. Maybe another obstacle. Maybe another abandonment. Maybe fear, doubt, and rejection. Or maybe, just maybe, the other side is where I come out better and more powerful than ever. #thepullofgrace